The One Where Your Faith in Rap is Destroyed Even More Than It Already Is

Before I start, I feel it's only right of me to be honest with you Cheeseheads. (Is that a good name for readers of this blog? Probably not, but I'm cheesy, so I'm keeping it. Pun extremely intended.) I didn't spend as much time this week on mixtapes as I normally will, the reason being that Kendrick Lamar's new album good kid, m.A.A.d. city just came out and I've been thoroughly obsessed. If you want my thoughts on that, though, you'll have to check ACRN's website within the next couple of days (shameless promotion).

But I still managed to put together an entertaining list of mixtapes this week, including a personal favorite of mine, a trip down memory lane and something so hilariously sad that you might lose all faith in hip-hop. Sounds fun, right? Right!

The Good:

XV & The Squarians – Squarians Vol. 1

I started getting into XV in 2010 with his mixtape Vizzy Zone, which is fairly recent on his discography timeline (according to the intro from Squarians Vol. 1, the discography goes back to 2003).

But it hasn't been until recently that he's been getting his props. His single “Awesome” was even on the videogame NBA 2K12.

And he truly deserves his props. Songs like “Mirror's Edge,” “Textbook Stuff” and “U.F.C.” show how unique he can be. And he's a fantastic performer (he took my rap concert virginity).

So when I saw XV had a new mixtape, this time with his crew The Squarians (made up of Freddy High, Sez Batters and producer The Awesome Sound), I knew I had to download it and give it a listen.

And XV lives up to his legacy on this one.

He explains the importance of The Squarians Vol. 1 on the intro, saying how this mixtape is for the Squarians, in this sense his fan base, so that when everyone's bumping XV & co., they can say they were bumping it since October 19, 2012. And that's pretty cool of him.

Probably my favorite track on this mixtape is “Ganja and Pasta.” With a chorus repeating the phrase, “Smoke like rastas, live like mobsters,” and lines like, “See what we started, smoking that olive garden,” how could you not like it?

And then there's “Be There, Be Square,” which is a re-release from his mixtape Popular Culture, but still deserves a mention because of the awesome production from Xaphoon Jones of Chiddy Bang.

And Xaphoon returns once again before the end of the mixtape on the edit of “All For Me,” another track from a previous mixtape, Zero Heroes.

Overall, this isn't XV's best mixtape, especially considering that he reuses some tracks. But because he reuses tracks like that, it becomes a great mixtape for new Squarians to listen to.

The Bad:

2 Pistols –Arrogant

Back in 2008, when 2 Chainz was still Tity Boi and T-Pain was still relevant, there was another rapper with 2 in his name who made quite a splash. And that rapper was 2 Pistols with “She Got It.”

That was my shit back in the day, so when I saw 2 Pistols' name on datpiff, I immediately headed to YouTube and let the nostalgia take me over. I went from “She Got It” to “Sweetest Girl” to “Hypnotized” to “Bartender” to “I'm in Love with a Stripper” before realizing I actually had to write this blog entry.

So I gave Arrogant a listen. I got five tracks in before happening around the most important track on the mixtape, “I Don't Care” featuring none other than 2 Chainz. And then an idea came down from the heavens and I realized I had to run with it.

Now let's play everyone's favorite game: 2 Pistols or 2 Chainz!

The rules are simple. I present a line or two from “I Don't Care” by one of the two artists and you guess which one said it. When you want to find out, just click on the lyric and it will send you to a picture of the artist who actually rapped the line.

“Swisher sweet, full, blowing on that great dane / On that big dog shit. Your bitch call me Max Payne.” 

“I look in the mirror, that's my competition / Then I talk to myself. Myself said,'What?' / I said 'You a ill nigga roll a blunt up.'”

“Left the supermarket, took the coup and parked it / You can catch me frequently at Gucci shoe department.”

“I'm with my white chick, nah she ain't super thick / Just call her Abby Wambach, her head game full attack.” 

And that's the end of this round of 2 Pistols or 2 Chainz! Let's hope there's many more rounds to be had!

But seriously, the fact that 2 Pistols is on 2 Chainz's level on this track without having the satisfaction of shouting “TWOOO CHAIIINZ!!!!” before every verse is just embarrassing. And the rest of the mixtape doesn't get any better. And that's enough to earn Arrogant a bad review.

The Re-dic-yu-lus

Lil Poopy – Coke Ain't A Bad Word

Look at that cover. Just let it sink in. And don't try to outsmart yourself. This isn't any Tha Carter IV shit. Lil Poopy isn't a 30-year-old dressing up a little kid to look like his mini-me. That is Lil Poopy.

Now listen to it. Just listen to any track. They're all so horrible. You don't know whether it's adorable or a sign that the Mayans were right. I'd like to fool myself into just thinking it's cute. But I can't.

And how the hell did he get legitimate features. I mean, I knew French Montana wasn't that great, but how did he agree to be on a track with an eight-year-old named Lil Poopy?

And usually it's clear that rappers are over-exaggerating, but there is no way this kid owns a “brand new Lamborghini” like he says in “'Bout That Life.”

And even when you're not focusing on the fact that AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD IS RAPPING, it's clear this mixtape is way too heavily produced, with the hosts Evil Empire & Big Mike interrupting every track.

I just...I just don't understand. I'm gonna leave it at that and hope that by next week, I have more faith in humanity.

-- Xavier Veccia, dropping the mic for now.

@xprime_time