The Good:
Chris Webby used to be one of my favorite rappers. When I used to think I could rap, songs like "Webster's Revenge" and "Temper, Temper" were what I listened to in order to write the best lyrics that my very sub-par skills could possibly create.
But he just hasn't been the same as of late. Bars on Me was a decent mixtape, but it's not nearly as creative as some of his earlier work.
You may be asking, "Why's this dude writing about Chris Webby when this mixtape is by D. Lector?" It's because D. Lector is another Connecticut native, just like Webby. The whole time I was listening to Webby, I thought he was a one-of-a-kind rapper with his own unique style. But it seems his style is more regional than I thought. And with Webby on a downslide, I need my CT fix. Luckily, Lector is just what I needed.
Lector sounds a lot like Webby. They both have that same fast, crisp flow and very similar voices. And they both are very good at metaphors and similes when it comes to rapping. But While Webby is much more focused on wittiness, Lector goes harder with his raps and focuses more on his craziness.
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| "Lector's quite menacing / Threatening to eat that venison" |
The title track, "Bars Attack," is another quality track that shows Lector's skills. The beat is strong, featuring some strings and an ambient sample from Kanye West's "Mercy." One of his strongest string of rhymes is also very appropriate as he spits, "You can see that I'm sick / If not, you piece of shit / Go beat your dick / I'm gonna eat your peeps like it's Easter, bitch."
There's also a fantastic cypher featuring Los Fidel, Kid Karma, Rook and Meta4s (which has to be one of the greatest names of all time). Every rapper shows up and it's a great addition, showing how important lyrics are to Lector.
Bars Attack! is an extremely quality mixtape, as D. Lector uses his CT flow and his knack for lyrics to show that Connecticut is more than just Webby.
The Bad:
It's that time again: Professor X-Prime's Rap 101. This week's lesson is picking a name.
When you're a young wannabe MC, it can be tough coming up with a name. If you ever do make it (you probably won't if you're coming to a blog for advice), it'll be the name that sticks with everybody.
Some, like Eminem, just make their alias reflect their real name (Eminem = M & M = Marshall Mathers). Others just like to be creative and choose a name that they thinks sounds cool. If you take this route, your name will be even more important, because it reflects what kind of music you make. Hoodie Allen makes pop culture-oriented music that reflects his pop culture-oriented name. And Joey Bada$$ is, well, a badass.
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| "I invented Microsoft / You just stroke your micro cock." |
Dollabillgates clearly chose the latter (I'm 99.9% sure this isn't the actual Bill Gates). And when one looks at the name Dollabillgates, one doesn't think, "What a creative name that most likely reflects this young man's originality." Instead, one would more likely think, "I have to see how bad this dude is."
That was me when I saw the name "Dollabillgates." There was no way he could be good. I would bet my life, my future children, even my snapbacks that Dollabillgates was going to be pretty damn bad. And I would have been able to live a long life to see my kids grow old and pass down my old snapbacks to their kids. (Can't wait to see my grandchildren rocking my Seattle Supersonics hat. It'll be even more retro in 60 years!)
Dollabillgates confirmed my suspicions about YSL, which is short for Yung Switch Lanes, on his first track, "Childish." He raps about money just as much as you would expect someone with the name of Dollabillgates to, rapping about how he's "Losing sleep counting guap." But I might have underestimated his badness. I had no clue that I should expect lines as bad as "He has thirty cars / Dayum." Lil B might have competition in this one (just kidding, Based God never has competition).
But DBG certainly gives Lil B a bit of a run for his money on the song, "#LemThurdy." I will give you unlimited guesses to try to figure out what "#LemThurdy" means. No, not thirty lemons. Nor is it a leprechaun named Lem Thurdy. Give up? Here's some help from the chorus. "I don't hit the club until a lem thurdy." You got it. "#LemThurdy" is DBG's way of saying 11:30.
That's it. I give up. I'm done with you, Dollabillgates. I need more Based God to make me feel better.
The Re-dic-yu-lus:
And Lil B with the three peat! The Triple Crown! The trifecta! That first artist to make Stack That Cheese not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES!
Thank Based God, too. Because I have some praying to do to Lil B. If you remember from last week, I was pretty psyched/nervous/freaking the heck out about March Madness. One of the games I was most freaked out about was Marquette-Davidson, a game in which I picked the underdog, Davidson. So what did I do, I prayed to Based God through tweet.
But it went horribly wrong. Read the tweet and let me know if you can figure out what sin I made.
Dear Based God, please let Davidson keep this up right now. I'll even let you fuck my bitch! Just help me outI know. It's horrible. Inexcusable. Despicable. I said I would let him fuck my bitch. How could I be so stupid? You don't let Lil B fuck your bitch. You hope and pray that he does. So what happened? Davidson lost and so did just about every other team I picked that day. All because I angered the Based God.
So now I must repent. Let me just light my Based candles and put on my ceremonial Based robe before I start the prayer.
Ahem.
Dear Based God,
I can not apologize enough
For the fatal error that I made last week
How uncouth, nay, unbased of me
To give you permission to fuck my bitch
You're above permission
You're above all
From little children to Barack Obama
You're even above Oprah
And here I am
Giving you permission
I would be privileged
If you graced me with your bitch fucking abilities
You deserve better disciples
In your Bitch Mob Squad
So, please, forgive me for my sins
And please fuck my bitch.
Left hand Cyrus, right hand Cyrus, Amen.
I'm hoping the release of PYT is a sign that he has forgiven me. He wouldn't release a mixtape so beautiful if he didn't.
And PYT is quite beautiful. "Alota Bitches" is a feel good track that makes the listener just want to dance and snap his or her fingers. Lil B also shows a bit of his self-conscious side as he asks, "Would you be mad if I said I had 52 bitches," before dismissing it, saying, "I don't care, niggas know I got bitches on my dick." I'm glad that Lil B got out of that five-second funk of his by realizing he just needs to be himself and fuck bitches.
Lil B also addresses the "ratchet" issue that we've all been clamoring for him to do on "Ratchet 510." And just like we thought, he is in support of "ratchet hoes." He also admits, "The parties I like, we dance with guns." As much as I would want Lil B to come to Athens, I just don't think we're ready to keep up with him if those are the kind of parties he likes.
It's really just an eye-opening mixtape in general. PYT lets us get into the inner workings of Lil B's mind and lifestyle, so that we can come to better understand our almighty Based God. And frankly, we as a world need to understand Based God more.
-- Xavier Veccia, dropping the mic for now.
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