Based Easter

Easter is an important holiday to many, whether that be because it has an important religious meaning to that person or because Peeps are so goddamned good. To me, though, it's important because there's a new Lil B mixtape out and I love to review Lil B mixtapes. You kids out there can have Peeps and eggs--I'll stick to my Based God.

The Good:

D. Lector - Bars Attack!

Chris Webby used to be one of my favorite rappers. When I used to think I could rap, songs like "Webster's Revenge" and "Temper, Temper" were what I listened to in order to write the best lyrics that my very sub-par skills could possibly create.

But he just hasn't been the same as of late. Bars on Me was a decent mixtape, but it's not nearly as creative as some of his earlier work.

You may be asking, "Why's this dude writing about Chris Webby when this mixtape is by D. Lector?" It's because D. Lector is another Connecticut native, just like Webby. The whole time I was listening to Webby, I thought he was a one-of-a-kind rapper with his own unique style. But it seems his style is more regional than I thought. And with Webby on a downslide, I need my CT fix. Luckily, Lector is just what I needed.

Lector sounds a lot like Webby. They both have that same fast, crisp flow and very similar voices. And they both are very good at metaphors and similes when it comes to rapping. But While Webby is much more focused on wittiness, Lector goes harder with his raps and focuses more on his craziness.

"Lector's quite menacing / Threatening
to eat that venison" 

"Psycho," as the title should tell you, is one of those songs in which he focuses on his craziness. Similar to Webby, he also uses a couple beats made famous from others. "Psycho" uses the beat from 50 Cent's "In Da Club." Lector surprisingly shows up and makes you forget about Fitty momentarily. And his lyrics truly do show his crazy side, as he raps, "So high and fly, man I'm Peter Panning / Eating Bambi / Beauty, I'm a beast with the word play / Trying to three-way with Jessica Rabbit and Ariel, the Mermaid."

The title track, "Bars Attack," is another quality track that shows Lector's skills. The beat is strong, featuring some strings and an ambient sample from Kanye West's "Mercy." One of his strongest string of rhymes is also very appropriate as he spits, "You can see that I'm sick / If not, you piece of shit / Go beat your dick / I'm gonna eat your peeps like it's Easter, bitch."

There's also a fantastic cypher featuring Los Fidel, Kid Karma, Rook and Meta4s (which has to be one of the greatest names of all time). Every rapper shows up and it's a great addition, showing how important lyrics are to Lector.

Bars Attack! is an extremely quality mixtape, as D. Lector uses his CT flow and his knack for lyrics to show that Connecticut is more than just Webby.

The Bad:

Dollabillgates - YSL

It's that time again: Professor X-Prime's Rap 101. This week's lesson is picking a name.

When you're a young wannabe MC, it can be tough coming up with a name. If you ever do make it (you probably won't if you're coming to a blog for advice), it'll be the name that sticks with everybody. 

Some, like Eminem, just make their alias reflect their real name (Eminem = M & M = Marshall Mathers). Others just like to be creative and choose a name that they thinks sounds cool. If you take this route, your name will be even more important, because it reflects what kind of music you make. Hoodie Allen makes pop culture-oriented music that reflects his pop culture-oriented name. And Joey Bada$$ is, well, a badass. 

"I invented Microsoft / You just stroke
your micro cock."

Dollabillgates clearly chose the latter (I'm 99.9% sure this isn't the actual Bill Gates). And when one looks at the name Dollabillgates, one doesn't think, "What a creative name that most likely reflects this young man's originality." Instead, one would more likely think, "I have to see how bad this dude is."

That was me when I saw the name "Dollabillgates." There was no way he could be good. I would bet my life, my future children, even my snapbacks that Dollabillgates was going to be pretty damn bad. And I would have been able to live a long life to see my kids grow old and pass down my old snapbacks to their kids. (Can't wait to see my grandchildren rocking my Seattle Supersonics hat. It'll be even more retro in 60 years!)

Dollabillgates confirmed my suspicions about YSL, which is short for Yung Switch Lanes, on his first track, "Childish." He raps about money just as much as you would expect someone with the name of Dollabillgates to, rapping about how he's "Losing sleep counting guap." But I might have underestimated his badness. I had no clue that I should expect lines as bad as "He has thirty cars / Dayum." Lil B might have competition in this one (just kidding, Based God never has competition).

But DBG certainly gives Lil B a bit of a run for his money on the song, "#LemThurdy." I will give you unlimited guesses to try to figure out what "#LemThurdy" means. No, not thirty lemons. Nor is it a leprechaun named Lem Thurdy. Give up? Here's some help from the chorus. "I don't hit the club until a lem thurdy." You got it. "#LemThurdy" is DBG's way of saying 11:30. 

That's it. I give up. I'm done with you, Dollabillgates. I need more Based God to make me feel better.

The Re-dic-yu-lus:

Lil B - PYT (Pretty Young Thug)

And Lil B with the three peat! The Triple Crown! The trifecta! That first artist to make Stack That Cheese not once, not twice, but THREE TIMES!

Thank Based God, too. Because I have some praying to do to Lil B. If you remember from last week, I was pretty psyched/nervous/freaking the heck out about March Madness. One of the games I was most freaked out about was Marquette-Davidson, a game in which I picked the underdog, Davidson. So what did I do, I prayed to Based God through tweet.

But it went horribly wrong. Read the tweet and let me know if you can figure out what sin I made.

Dear Based God, please let Davidson keep this up right now. I'll even let you fuck my bitch! Just help me out

I know. It's horrible. Inexcusable. Despicable. I said I would let him fuck my bitch. How could I be so stupid? You don't let Lil B fuck your bitch. You hope and pray that he does. So what happened? Davidson lost and so did just about every other team I picked that day. All because I angered the Based God.

So now I must repent. Let me just light my Based candles and put on my ceremonial Based robe before I start the prayer.

Ahem.

Dear Based God,

I can not apologize enough

For the fatal error that I made last week

How uncouth, nay, unbased of me

To give you permission to fuck my bitch

You're above permission

You're above all

From little children to Barack Obama

You're even above Oprah

And here I am

Giving you permission

I would be privileged

If you graced me with your bitch fucking abilities

You deserve better disciples

In your Bitch Mob Squad

So, please, forgive me for my sins

And please fuck my bitch.

Left hand Cyrus, right hand Cyrus, Amen.

I'm hoping the release of PYT is a sign that he has forgiven me. He wouldn't release a mixtape so beautiful if he didn't.

And PYT is quite beautiful. "Alota Bitches" is a feel good track that makes the listener just want to dance and snap his or her fingers. Lil B also shows a bit of his self-conscious side as he asks, "Would you be mad if I said I had 52 bitches," before dismissing it, saying, "I don't care, niggas know I got bitches on my dick." I'm glad that Lil B got out of that five-second funk of his by realizing he just needs to be himself and fuck bitches.

Lil B also addresses the "ratchet" issue that we've all been clamoring for him to do on "Ratchet 510." And just like we thought, he is in support of "ratchet hoes." He also admits, "The parties I like, we dance with guns." As much as I would want Lil B to come to Athens, I just don't think we're ready to keep up with him if those are the kind of parties he likes.

It's really just an eye-opening mixtape in general. PYT lets us get into the inner workings of Lil B's mind and lifestyle, so that we can come to better understand our almighty Based God. And frankly, we as a world need to understand Based God more.

-- Xavier Veccia, dropping the mic for now.

@xprime_time

March Madness

It's pretty hard typing while you're biting your nails. But I'm somehow managing that while both writing this Stack That Cheese entry and watching basketball, hoping and praying to the Based God that nothing will go horribly wrong and ruin my (so far) perfect bracket. There's a pretty good chance that I'll lose a game by the time I'm done with this blog. So let's just get it over with so I can possibly say I made it through a whole blog post without wanting to rip up my bracket.

The Good:

Yelawolf - Trunk Muzik Returns

Yelawolf is probably the most complicated rapper for me. Sometimes, I really love his (trunk) music. "Daddy's Lambo" has probably been one of the most played songs in my car. The bass in that song just gives me a massive...amount of joy.

But then he almost ruined a nearly perfect song on "1Train" off A$AP Rocky's Long Live A$AP. He had by far the worst verse on a track filled with some of the best in the game.

I don't really know what it is. It might be his voice. Or his white trash attitude. Or maybe we just don't agree. But Trunk Muzik Returns is too hard not to agree with.

I think I've come to the conclusion that Yelawolf is just flat out better on his own stuff. If a song's tailored for him and his flow, then he fits perfectly. It's quite difficult to find a song that's very Yelawolf-like. He's got a very distinct essence about him. But Trunk Muzik Returns, produced by WillPower, does a great job of capturing that essence and making it into music.

White guy spitting? He kinda
sounds like Eminem.

"Catfish Billy" is honestly the Yelawolf song. It has just the right amount of creepiness, craziness and trashiness. The beat is mostly just composed of an out-of-tune violin and drum, and it manages to do so much with so little. Yelawolf reminds me a lot of Eminem, and not just because he's another crazy white guy who can spit. But he has such control over his voice and knows exactly when to use it to propel the song. He starts off his verse by narrating with a creepy-ass nasally voice and he raps most of the second verse quickly. He just does such a great job of entertaining the listener with so little.

Yelawolf also manages to get a few impressive features on Trunk Muzik Returns.  "Gangster" features A$AP Rocky, returning the favor from "1Train." WillPower does a solid job of creating a beat that can fit both rappers' styles. When Yelawolf spits his verse, the rickety beat sounds unstable. When A$AP hits the track, the beat may not change, but it suddenly sounds more chill just because of A$AP's voice. It's like an illusion of sound.

Yelawolf also manages to get features from Paul Wall and Raekwon on "Hustle" and Killer Mike on "Rhyme Room." Both are quality songs that, with WillPower's production, complement everyone involved.

Yelawolf's certainly talented. His style may not always be easy to agree with, but when he's synced with the beat, he can be straight fire.

The Bad:

Rich Boy - Back to Class

If you've read my blog since the beginning, or even for a few weeks here and there, you ought to know that one of my favorite things to do on Stack That Cheese is look back on rappers from my adolescence. So far we've touched on some pretty memorable artists, such as Chingy and Soulja Boy. But I just wouldn't feel complete if I never went over Rich Boy.

Honestly, I'm not even sure Rich Boy was that big of a thing now that I look back. He really only had that "Throw Some D's" song that I remember more from almost everybody else shouting "Throw some d's on it" than I remember from the actual song. And the only song I ever really liked was "Let's Get This Paper," which doesn't seem nearly as good now as it did back then.

But then again, Rich Boy doesn't seem all that hot right now either.

I didn't realize how money-oriented Rich Boy's music was until listening to Back to Class. I don't know how, honestly. He's pretty upfront about it. I mean, his name is Rich Boy.

He continues that obsession with money as soon as Back to Class begins. His first three songs, "Get Dat Doe," "Break the Pot" and "Bitches N Bands," are all clearly about money. Even the beats are clearly the kind of beats that would be used in music about money--they go hard, but they're not the kind of beat you'd bump.

Rich Boy is really just a classic "trap" artist. By trap, I don't mean the electronic genre. I'm referring to how he mainly focuses on making money and what he does after getting that money. Usually, it just involves throwing it on women and spending it on unnecessary things.

Even his songs that don't focus on money seem very stereotypical from a rap artist. Take his song "Party," featuring his frequent collaborator Playboy, along with Maja. The beat is actually kind of nice, featuring some slow piano playing. But his lyrics mostly just focus on, you guessed it, a party. When Rich Boy spits, "Turn off the lights / Take it off tonight," he's just using a line that people would expect from any rapper, and he doesn't stand out.

Rich Boy has proved yet again that it's much better just to keep nostalgia over an artist than learn just how bad they are.

The Re-dic-yu-lus:

Young D - Briccs Vol. 3

After listening to Young D's mixtape, only one question came to mind: how the hell were there two Briccs before this volume?

It's a valid question, I swear. He's horrible. And not even in the cool "so horrible you'll laugh" way. He's just an unoriginal rapper with unoriginal lines that are just a little worse than most other rappers.

The funniest thing about Young D is the fact that he just replaces "ck" in every word with "cc." So, to have a little fun with this, I'm going to do the same. Will it be funny? Will it piss off my blogs editor? Do I care? No, yes, and way too much. So let's just get it craccing befor I bacc out. (This is already so fun).

Speaking of using "cc" instead of "ck," Young D starts off Briccs Vol. 3 with "My Chicc Bad." In case you didn't guess it, this tracc samples "My Chick Bad" by Ludacris. And by "sample" I mean he just jaccs the song from Ludacris. Young D does manage to sneak in a couple of goofy lines, such as "So tell me have you seen her / My chicc is like a warrior, something like Xena," but follows those lines with something like "So don't you dare try to fight her / My chicc stay hot, her nickname is fire." And then he passes time with a pointless skit listing the chiccs he has in a high-pitched voice.

If you've seen this chicc,
tell Young D immediately.

"Pain" is probably his worst song. But that's just because whoever the hell is singing the chorus succs. He's completely off-pitch and, just like many bad songs, the chorus goes on for way too long. Don't get me wrong, Young D's plenty bad himself. He's trying to describe the pain of some girl leaving him, but it's in an upbeat song and he's shouting his emotions. Plus, there's a point when he rhymes "running back" with "run back" and "running back" again. There's plenty that this tracc laccs for it to even be in the neighborhood of a good song.

There's also a song called "Necc Breaker" that has a chorus that sounds exactly like he's saying "She's a dicc breaker" instead of "necc breaker." So, annunciation is something else he needs to improve upon.

Young D definitely isn't the most re-dic-yu-lus rapper featured on Stacc That Cheese, but he's also far from the best. If he improved on a few things, he might be able to cracc the bad section next time around, but he would also need a lot of lucc.

Also, in case any of you are wondering, my braccet succs and I hate the world. That's all.

-- Xavier Veccia, dropping the mic for now.

@xprime_time

Brilliance

Hello, children. Welcome back to Stack That Cheese. This week's theme is "brilliance." We will discuss the brilliant people behind rap, whether it be good, bad, or "re-dic-yu-lus," as they say. I hope you learn something today, and become brilliant in your own right.

The Good:

OCD: Moosh & Twist - Back to the Basement

I've been an OCD fan for at least a couple years. Their song "Take Me Back" has been on every warm weather playlist of mine since I first heard of them. They're one of those groups whose songs get better with each listen. Needless to say, I was pretty excited when Back to the Basement was announced.

OCD is a duo composed of, you guessed it, Moosh and Twist. Both are a ripe 20-years-old, meaning they were just high schoolers when they first started. They were good back then, but Back to the Basement proves that they haven't even hit their prime yet.

The moment I realized Back to the Basement was going to exceed any expectations I had was when I first heard their single, "This High." The song starts out with a typical OCD beat, with simple, short synths. But once the guitar was added to the mix, the song just went to a whole new level. OCD proves they are among the most passionate in the game with lines like, "My girlfriend is my ex now, 'cause she told me I had to quit." And that chorus, oh, that chorus is fantastic. Whenever Twist sings, "I don't want to come back down from this high," I get chills.

OCD is more than good. They're
grrreat!

That's the special thing about OCD--they're so real in their songs. They don't try to put on a front, acting like they're hot shit. They're just psyched that they get to be doing this for a living. Especially Twist. Don't get me wrong, I love Moosh, too. But Twist's tomfoolery and vigor reminds me of a young, human Tony the Tiger and his raspy voice is among the most distinct in all of rap. He truly is one of a kind.

Similar to how Jay-Z and Kanye West made an album dedicated to the fact that they made it in Watch the Throne, Moosh and Twist made a mixtape dedicated to the fact that they get the chance to make it.

Along with "This High," they also show this on "Top of the World." Over a piano-based beat, the duo takes time to smell the roses, as shown by the bridge, "No, I've never seen a crowd like this / They ain't never screamed like this / And it's more than beautiful." In a genre where artists often brag about their crowds, it's nice to see people humbled by it all.

OCD may not be the best lyricists or blessed with the best beats (though tracks like "In My Zone" and "Hipster Party" are certainly up there), but they have that X-Factor that makes it difficult not to enjoy them. And Back to the Basement is plenty enjoyable.

The Bad:

Cap 1 - T.R.U. 2 It

Have you ever been lying in bed, jamming to "I'm Different," wishing that 2 Chainz was just less cool. Sure, you like that he pulled up to the scene with his ceiling missing, but you just thought his flow was too contagious. You wanted a rapper just as unimpressive as his lyrics.

Well, now you don't have to deal with that bad-ass, 6'5" MC by the name of Tauheed Epps whenever you want to listen to horrible music. I offer you Cap 1. He's three or four inches shorter, has significantly less dreads (he doesn't have any) and he is ten times less exciting.

That seems to be Cap 1's goal here. He is basically just a less impressive clone of the artist formerly known as Tity Boi. He's got the same repetitive, ridiculous lyrics, just without less swag.

This might be through association. Cap 1 has been featured on a few 2 Chainz songs, and 2 Chainz makes sure to return the favor on T.R.U. 2 It. But this ends up hurting Cap 1's cause because the differences are just so much clearer when the listener has an opportunity to listen to both back-to-back.

Take the song "I Want Sum," the second 2 Chainz feature on the mixtape. He only appears on the chorus, but that chorus is easily the best part of the song. All 2 Chainz does is repeat two lines--"I want some" and "It must be your pussy, 'cause it ain't your face"--but those lines are so brilliant that it makes up for him not having a verse. "It must be your pussy, 'cause it ain't your face" has to be the best backhanded complement ever, right? Cap 1 has lines that are just as bad, just less creative, such as "Wanna swipe it 'cross her ass like I want debit," which is a line used by many before him.

Now I'll never be able to
look at Black Swan the same.

You still get the feeling that Cap 1 is just living in 2 Chainz's shadow even when Mr. Chainz isn't on the track. "Ballerina" certainly stands out. For one, it has a two-minute opening chorus of Cap 1 singing "She's my ballerina" with autotune over and over again. When the verse finally starts, he raps, "She could be the one, I ain't never coming home / Throwing money on her while she spinning on the pole / Shawty, she a pro / Getting down low / Ballerina spin when she standing on her toes." To Cap 1's defense, on this track he does step away from the 2 Chainz-like flow he dons on the rest of the mixtape. But he still brings the same simplistic rhymes, just less clever in the awfulness.

I get what Cap 1 was thinking. According to MTV, 2 Chainz is the second hottest MC right now. And when you're that hot, you have to be doing something right. Cap 1 just forgot that imitators can never be as good as the real thing. And 2 Chainz wasn't that good to start off with.

The Re-dic-yu-lus:

Big Daddy Debo - After Hours

Before I start out, let me just say that this was the most entertaining thing I've heard. Big Daddy Debo did stuff on After Hours that I never heard before and never expected to hear.

That being said, the things Big Daddy Debo did on his mixtape haven't been done before because they never should be done. Am I going to complain? Hell no. After Hours is hilarious.

Five-seconds into the first track, "Follow Me," I knew this was special. Hell, I had a hunch just from looking at the mixtape cover that screams Microsoft Paint. But it was "Follow Me" that confirmed my suspicions. "Follow Me" is like a modern-day "Cupid's Shuffle," just worse. Big Daddy Debo (I also really love his name) shouts commands such as "Put your left leg out and grind / Now grind" and "If that girl is wearing a weave / You swing it."

The creativity doesn't stop there. In fact, every song is just as fantastic. And because there's a mere seven songs on After Hours, I'm going to go into what makes each of them so special.

Yes, that's a temple behind her.

"If U Scared" has a chorus of "If you scared, just say you scared" and a beat that sounds like it belongs in a cheesy '80s porno starring Nina Hartley (I had to risk my search history to look up '80s porn stars, I swear). Debo gives his best effort in singing, but it doesn't sound very good.

"Money to Burn" sounds reminiscent of the theme songs from "Rugrats" and "Caillou," except with Debo saying "Now take your hands and put them up / Then you take them, then you wave them."

"I Fuck With the Best" is just Debo incomprehensibly whisper-rapping like he thinks people still like the Ying Yang Twins.

"Baby Got That Back" is just a huge disappointment, honestly. He got my hopes up that he would cover Sir Mix-a-lot's gem, but no, it's just him rapping over a repetitive horn and '90s synths.

Why NPH put R. Kelly in charge of
something with a teen is beyond me.

"On This Card" sounds like if Neil Patrick Harris tried making Doogie Howser, M.D. into a Broadway musical and put the score in the hands of R. Kelly, but R. Kelly got busted with urinating on another minor, so his 11-year old son took over for him. It sounds fantastic, yes. But I promise you it's not.

"I'm Gonna Get Him" just sounds like Debo discovered he could add synths to his voice, so he tried out all of them available on his 1993 music editing software in one song.

Honestly, After Hours is brilliant. I thought 2 Chainz was good at being bad, but he is nothing compared to Big Daddy Debo. He is the Steve Jobs of bad rap. And that's saying something