And all this talk about America got me all patriotic. So this week's Stack That Cheese is all about the stars, just like the American flag.
The Good:
Everyone knows who Nelly is. You know who he is, your grandmother knows he is, even the Amish know who he is. He's one of the biggest entertainers of the 2000s. He's made hit after hit, been in movies and has made it so that if anyone says, "It's getting hot in here," someone has to respond with, "So take off all your clothes."
But in the rap community, no one's ever going to mention him in the same breath as Tupac or The Notorious B.I.G. He's a pop rapper. He's not supposed to be as legendary as them.
So why is he in the "Good" category this week?
Simple. Because Nelly shows how big a mixtape can be.
With Scorpio Season, Nelly pulls out all the stops. He's got A-list features. He's got big-producers. He treats this mixtape as if it were an album, and that shows dedication.
There's the song "MJ" featuring B.o.B (who I've always liked better on mixtapes), which was a bonus track on B.o.B's latest album, but now it's here and I'm not going to complain. Bobby Ray sings a brilliantly catchy hook and lends his unique flow to a couple verses. He even mutters the line, "Kush in my cologne, you know the aroma," which for some reason I absolutely love.
There's "GO," which is produced by Drumma Boy ("No Hands" and "Put On" are among his most popular songs). Drumma Boy incorporates a hard drum beat, piano and horns into a fantastically produced song with a hook of, "Blow the smoke in the air" sung by Nelly. (Speaking of voting and smoke: Congratulations to Colorado and Washington.)
And for whatever reason, Nelly tucks Chris Brown away in a bonus song called "Marry Go Round," which is strangely epic. Nelly and Breezy seem to be a match made in heaven and I would love to see them together again in the near future.
The dedication shows on Scorpio Season, and with the big features, it makes a good mixtape.
The Bad:
Okay, maybe Gudda Gudda doesn't really fall under the "star" category, but the Young Money artist has connections and he calls in some favors to get them on his latest mixtape. And that's good enough for me.
But Gudda is not good enough for me. He's actually pretty bad.
Let's start with "Drank N Smoke" with big feature number one, Wiz Khalifa. Gudda makes this song as simple as it can get, with mostly one-syllable rhymes that even Lil Poopy could come up with. And am I the only one who finds it hilarious that Wiz is being a featured on yet another song about smoking and drinking, but with a title that's just a jumbled up version of his recent song "Smokin' Drink?"
Then
there's "As Da World Turns" with big feature number two,
Lil Wayne. I will give this to Weezy: he does sing great choruses.
But his voice has layer after layer of synthesizers over it. It's
sickening.
And
finally there's the pièce de
résistance in "I'm Gudda" with big feature number three, 2
Chainz. (I'm coming to the realization that I'm going to be hearing a lot of 2 Chainz with this blog, and I'm strangely fine with that.) With 2 Chainz and Gudda Gudda on the same track, you know there will be plenty of awful lyrics, but none of that matters because the chorus (which repeats "I'm Gudda" multiple times before Gudda Gudda says, "I got high-cholesterol / Yeah, I got that butter") is so horrendous that I don't even care that the rest of the rap is bad, too.
Gudda Gudda digs himself into so deep of a hole with this album that no amount of stars could save him.
The Re-dic-yu-lus
This rapper needs no introduction, but I'm going to have to give one anyway because it would look awkward linking to "Crank That" right away.
So I will tell a story instead. Once there was a young lad by the name of Javier Beccia (no relation to yours truly). As a freshman at an all-boy Jesuit high school, Javier had to do a report on The Odyssey. But it wasn't like he just had to write a paper. He had to put together a presentation. What would he do?
He could put together a skit with some friends. Maybe he could do an interpretive dance. Or, maybe he could just write a rap about the book to the tune of "Crank That."
And that's exactly what young Javier did. And it was perfectly fine. Even at an all-boy Jesuit high school. Because that song had become so much a part of our society at that time, that it was acceptable anywhere.
Ok, that killed time. Now let's link this bitch!
And that was the last time nearly everyone heard from Soulja Boy. Sure, there was that "Hop up out my bed / Turn my swag ooooon" song and then, of course, "Yahh!" was kind of popular. (Or was I the only one who listened to it because I found it hilarious?) But for the most part, Soulja Boy has just started releasing mixtape after mixtape, developing a low-key underground fanbase, but never really getting into the mainstream again. (That's probably a good thing, though.)
This is my first time listening to him since his heyday, too. And I have to say, he's just as bad.
Last week, I wrote about Lil B, but what I failed to mention is that, while there's no proof of it, there is a theory out there that suggests that the Based God is just pretending to be so bad for satirical reasons. And if that is the case, I'm about 99% sure Soulja is his inspiration.
"Lebron James" is the perfect example. It starts off with a chorus of, "I'm Lebron James" that, thanks to Soulja Boy's pronunciation, eventually becomes "Ollo brawn jains." And then it opens up the first verse with, "Ballin' all you fuck niggas / Fuck niggas / You fuck niggas." And it doesn't get any better.
I guess I'm happy and all for Soulja Boy that he's still around and still making music, but I wish he didn't have to ruin rap for me while he was at it. But he did grace the world with a fun dance that I am actually capable of doing, so I guess we're even
-- Xavier Veccia, dropping the mic for now.
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